


Fix Me

by kenmak0zume



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Eating Disorders, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, One Shot, big ass trigger warning my dudes!!!!!, its a one-shot but i might add more chapters or parts in the future maybe, its hella short but whatever lol, vent fic? kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-18 00:19:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13088481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenmak0zume/pseuds/kenmak0zume
Summary: It started when he was barely fifteen. The sunlight radiating through the boy became shrouded by dark storm clouds and thick feelings of unease and self consciousness. His reflection showed him someone he didn't recognise; someone too big, too ugly, too dumb, too wrong, never right. He doesn't remember why it started exactly. It was as if one day he had never been better and the next day he was already too far gone to help.





	Fix Me

**Author's Note:**

> big obvious trigger warning if u didnt get the memo already
> 
> also just so everyone is aware im not pro-ana and im not doing this to promote eds of any kind. im writing this because ive been struggling with this for almost 5 years and when it gets bad it helps me to project my feelings onto characters i relate to (and im in a writing mood so might as well). this is kind of based off my own experiences.
> 
> if ur going through something similar please try to get help and please please take care of urself!! i love u!!! pleas eat something!! or at the very least stay hydrated!!!! ur doing amazing sweetie go eat a sandwich

Lance had never been beautiful.

That's what he had always told himself. That's what he tells himself. It plays like a broken record in his mind, strangling any small blossom of hope, of recovery, of something  _more_ that dares to grow within him. 

It started when he was barely fifteen. The sunlight radiating through the boy became shrouded by dark storm clouds and thick feelings of unease and self consciousness. His reflection showed him someone he didn't recognise; someone too big, too ugly, too dumb, too wrong, never right. He doesn't remember why it started exactly. It was as if one day he had never been better and the next day he was already too far gone to help.

When Keith stepped into his life offering a helping hand and a small smile, Lance felt a heavy conflict within him. On one hand, Keith would be willing to help him get better and finally be at peace with himself. But on the other hand, it would be too much of a burden on Keith. Lance already considers his every action a burden on everyone, tries his best to stay where no one can see him, stay where no one can ask too many questions or worry too much, throwing  _"you're too skinny!"_ or  _"have you lost weight?"_ in every direction. Keith doesn't deserve to be dragged into Lance's bullshit. 

So Lance pretends to be okay. For Keith. He smiles in photos, he kisses him gently. He goes on a lunch date with the beautiful, black-haired boy, and eats six pieces of sushi with a grin.

He spends the night hunched over the toilet bowl, tears in his eyes and fingers in his throat.

 

* * *

 

_"You need to eat more, mijo. Don't you want to be big and strong like your brothers?" his mother said, piling another scoop of beans onto his plate._  
Lance folded his shaking hands under the table. "Yes, mam á... _"_  


His mom isn't here to monitor his eating, to add more and more to his plate, to keep him healthy. He lives alone now. He can decide what he does and doesn't eat.

He walks home from the grocery store with a paper bag in his arms. Instant coffee, three apples, a bottle of caffeine pills, a bottle of laxatives. The bag is light as a feather, which suits Lance's lack of muscle perfectly. He keeps his refrigerator mostly empty, which is the main reason why he's too afraid to invite Keith to his apartment. Keith walks him home from dates most of the time, and Lance never invites him in. He's too afraid of getting caught out, of seeing the disappointed look on Keith's face when he stumbles into the reality of Lance's life.

Lance was supposed to go out with Keith today, but he had cancelled, feigning illness, when in reality he just hadn't eaten enough to be able to stand for that long. He had used all his energy at the grocery store, and now he was lying on his sofa in nothing but sweatpants, his bones jutting out of his skin like they were trying to escape.

When Keith arrives at Lance's apartment out of the blue to make sure he was okay, Lance is more than a little anxious.

Keith notices instantly.

Lance had always been bundled up in long-sleeved shirts and jeans, even in the peak of the July heat. And now the boy stands half-naked, gaunt and underfed, protruding bones casting dark shadows along his tanned skin. Keith stifles a gasp and stares at his feet, curling and uncurling his fists at his sides. 

Lance knows.

He sees the look of shock and worry on Keith's face. He pulls in a shaking breath.

"Keith, I-"

"Stop." Keith breathes in and out slowly, tears forming in his eyes. "You... you've been..."

"I'm sorry. I know I... God, I know. I just don't know how to fix this," Lance is whispering by the time he finishes speaking. Keith looks up, takes a step towards Lance.

"Lance, you don't need to apologise. This isn't your fault, I... I just want you to be okay. I want you to be healthy and happy and- and I want to help..." Keith trails off, unsure of what to say next.

But he said everything he needed to. For the first time in Lance's life, he has a supporter; someone who knows what's going on and loves him regardless and wants to help him get better. And for the first time in four whole years, Lance feels the long dead blossoms of hope start to revive. They're small, but they're something. And one day they'll bloom. 

One day.

**Author's Note:**

> it's past midnight so this might be garbage i honest 2 god can't tell but
> 
> wahoo here it is


End file.
